Hot & Cold

I received a message from Gymnast Guy while I was at work last week. A manager just told me he called while I was in the middle of a group interview, but he didn't say what it was about. I checked my phone, and he had also sent me a text. He said he had good news. For some reason, I knew that whatever the good news was...that it wasn't going to be good for me. Selfish, I know but I'd rather not set myself up for further disappointment.

Anyways, I called him, and he told me he is up for a show. In China. WTF? He would be leaving town in January to train in Belgium. Then the guy who directed Celine Dion's show in Las Vegas will be creating a show in Macau. He's going to be surrounded by all those hot Asian men. My heart sinks to the floor. There was no way I can seduce this guy in two months. Or can I?


I congratulated him on this huge opportunity, and immediately took the chance to ask him out to a celebratory dinner. I should remind you that we haven't really hung out one-on-one at this point, and here was a perfect opening. Gymnast Guy says it's a great idea and even suggests we do it on Sunday (this one that just passed). I told him I had a prior engagement until 9p, but I was free after that. He says that would work.

Everything was fine until Sunday. He sends me a text in the middle of the day telling me he had a friend that was going through "a rocky time." He needed to console this friend and that he had to cancel our dinner. He's sorry. I might sound like I lack compassion, but I hated his friend at that very moment. I was sooo pissed. I think I even punched one of the boxes in the office.

After calming down, I realized this guy just isn't worth it. He's obviously not into me. I mean if he was, he would have rescheduled, right? I'm a busy guy, but if I was interested in someone I would make time for that person. Or am I totally wrong? Plus almost every conversation we have had tied back to work. How did I not see that? I did learn a very valuable lesson though - don't show a guy too much attention (I thought that just worked on girls but I guess not). I ignored him yesterday at work and you know what? He's going to be calling me in a day or two. And I'm not going to give a damn.

Ok...maybe a little. I'd be lying if I said I'm totally closing that door.

6 Days & 6 Nights

So I failed. I thought I could go on a whole month without watching porn. But I came home a little buzzed and horny tonight....and ended up relieving myself to a couple of videos online. I couldn't even last a whole week! Why did I break down? Well here's a few reasons...

1. Visited Jake at work the previous night. I realized he doesn't just look Mormon but also resembles a young Val Kilmer. They actually call him Iceman. Wait....actually he's a hotter version of Val Kilmer. And very within reach...

2. Woke up today with Gymnast Guy asking me to come watch him perform in a show (very reminiscent of Cirque du Soleil). He's an acrobat in it so of course he's going to be in tights. Don't forget that I've seen naked pictures of this guy. I was so pissed I couldn't go to the show, but I already requested last Thursday off at the club, and I couldn't do it again this week. I hadn't talked to him for several days so all I could do was imagine him performing...

3. Went to the gym around 6pm. Another different set of hot bodies. Even their sweat was fucking attractive.

4. Hosted possibly one of the hottest group of girls at dinner tonight (there's a restaurant attached to our nightclub). The group included 2 models, an actress, and the daughter of an 80's rock star. They were not only beautiful, but really sweet too! There was even one I couldn't stop flirting with. My co-workers were so jealous. I almost found myself stuttering around these beauties...

5. As soon as I get home, I turn on the TV. Every channel I watch seems to have a show with a really hot character/cast member. Characters that turned me on. Cast members I wanted to sleep with. I couldn't take it anymore. And that's when I caved.

I am human after all. Guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I was watching one of my favorite shows, Nip/Tuck, the other day, and it featured a nun who wanted to get a breast reduction. One of the main characters asked her how she came to give up pleasures of the flesh. I don't really remember her exact answer, but I know how it made me feel. It made me feel dirty. Dirty because I couldn't picture my life in abstinence. Failing my month-long fast from porn just proved it. Is that a sad realization or what?

The Dating Show & The Dating Game

I shouldn't have left you hanging with what happened during my day off earlier in the week. I was totally shocked when I saw Gymnast Guy on TV. Just when I thought he couldn't look hotter...he did. And just when I thought I was getting over how charming he was...it was right there on national television. In fact, he ended up winning the guy over. The "guy" in question had actually been on another reality show before. I immediately looked online to find information on this reality guy. Most sites pointed to the fact that he is still single. Boy was I relieved.

I then proceeded to text Gymnast Guy about the situation in a very nonchalant manner.

Me: "Saw you in a dating show on TV today."
GG: "How funny. And embarrassing!"

He does end up revealing in the dating show that there's nude pictures of him out there. Yep...you read that right. I already found them of course (but I didn't tell him that). I'm so glad the internet was created. Let's just say if I had any hope of losing my crush on this guy, it's pretty much gone. This guy's great physical features definitely extend below the belt. I'm in love. Or am I?

I'm very aware that I don't have a relationship or even a real friendship with this guy. So of course it's not love. I also ask myself if I'm really attracted to him or just the idea of him. Is it because he's one of the few I've recently been interested in that hasn't just thrown him/herself at me? Do I just crave the challenge? Why do we play these games? I mean I am in a weird situation cause I'm his manager, but so what? I've got a ton of questions with no clear answers.

After that day, I vowed not to call or even answer any of his texts back. He must have read my mind cause he didn't contact me. And I was actually doing a pretty good job of keeping myself occupied. The guy I met Thursday night was a good distraction. But I was going to have to run into GG at work sooner or later. And that happened today. He showed up to work. On his day off.


He said he wanted to change his availability. I told him to talk to another manager. I acted distant and immediately pretended to help customers. But not for long. After he was done, he found me. His warm smile was too hard to resist. We had a conversation that I just wanted to go on forever even though I had stuff to do. I did remind myself that showing this guy too much attention might just make me seem less attractive so I tried to end our chat. But he just kept going. About working out. About the show he just saw that day. About how his parents will be in town next weekend and how he wants to take them to the lounge that's part of the nightclub I work at. WTF? Sure it's one of the top clubs in the country, but if my parents were visiting it wouldn't be one of the first places I'd take them. Is he toying with me? Anyways I finally got Gymnast Guy to leave. Even though I didn't want him to...

A bright idea popped into my head after work, and I thought maybe I can ask him out as a friend to go to a show this week. So I texted him to see if he was free Tuesday night at 10p to go see it. He's just getting out of his other job by that time. Included in the text was a sad face. That pretty much summed up how I felt too. This would officially be Strike Two. (Strike One was the time I asked him out to dinner.) I'm not a sadomasochist so I'm trying one more time, and if it doesn't happen, I'm gonna have to give the chase up. You would think in my line of work I would be used to it by now, but I just don't seem take rejection very well.

And here's another song (I stole from Gossip Girl last season) that is on repeat on my Ipod right now. I love the metaphors in the lyrics.

A Day Off & Errands

What's a typical day off in my life like? I didn't have anything too major happen to me in the past couple of days so I thought I'd share what I did today.

3:00am. Finally fall asleep.

9:00am. Wake up to an e-mail from my district manager at the clothing store commending me on the district hiring report I created. She wants me to do it weekly. I decide to reply later and go back to sleep.

11:00am. Really wake up this time. I tell myself I'm not going to call or even think about Gymnast Guy today. I go on my laptop to reply to e-mails and surf the 'net for a bit.

12:30pm. Leave for the gym.

1:00pm. One of my cute male co-workers from the nightclub (who's also in an all male revue) surprises me by putting his hands on my abs telling me to hold them tight while I do wide-grip pulldowns.

1:30pm. Run on the treadmill. This is my first time doing cardio in almost a year. I'm an ectomorph, and it's hard to pack on mass especially if I do cardio. I avoided doing it for as long as I can, but I realized that if I want to turn my 6-pack into an 8-pack I would need it.

2:00pm. Get back home. I turn the TV on while I go on Amazon.com adding some DVDs like the first season of Dirty, Sexy Money to my wish list. Finish my acai protein shake.

3:00pm. My friend Amy calls and asks me to take her to the shop to pick up her car. Amy's one of those girls that guys can never say no to because she's this hot bad girl with a sweet side (and a smokin' body). So of course I agree. She tells me she owes me dinner. Not a bad deal.

3:45pm. After dropping her off, I pick up some groceries at the organic supermarket.

4:15pm. Stop by a Mexican grill to get a chicken bowl with brown rice.

4:30pm. Make it back home. Turn on the TV. As I begin to eat my chicken bowl, I recognize the guy on the screen. Gymnast Guy is on some reality dating show. I wish I was making this shit up.

Rejection & Horror

Another busy weekend has gone by. I worked with Gymnast Guy on Friday. It was only for four hours, but I enjoy every minute I get to see him. After work, I went to a birthday party held at a bar on the other side of town. At a little after 11pm, I received a text from Gymnast Guy telling me how he appreciated my "positive energy" at work and how he wishes me a happy weekend. Out of excitement, I texted back that he makes it easy for me to be positive, and if he'll consider going to dinner with me next week.

After an hour and a half, no response.

I then realized how much of a huge HR issue I've just created. I quickly texted him back apologizing for my inappropriate question and asking him if we can just forget I ever asked it. I concentrated on the birthday girl to get my mind away from the situation. She's so trashed after four drinks that she asks me why we've never dated because we would make a great couple. I just laughed awkwardly. My friend's a pretty hot blond, but she's slept with a couple of guys in my fraternity so I was not about to take sloppy thirds. I headed home around 1am and checked my Blackberry.

Still no reply.

So many thoughts are racing through my head at this point. Did he feel sexually harassed? Am I not his type? Did he want to say yes but wanted to keep things professional? He had a huge audition on Sunday so did he just ignore my text so I won't be a distraction? I needed to sleep so I tried to clear my mind.


The next day I just focused on work. I checked my phone on my break and there was an unread message from him. I freak out a little. It says "You're fine. Are you at work or are you off?" WTF? I tell him I'm on break at work. He texts back asking for his schedule if I'm not too busy. I started feeling really confused. I hope this guy doesn't think he has me wrapped around his finger. I might have asked him out, but if I'm getting rejected (which is highly likely in this case) I don't like to wallow in self-pity wondering what could have been. After work, I went to another birthday dinner to relax and try to forget the insanity. A friend happened to be a manager at this Asian fusion restaurant so we ended up having half of our meal/drinks comped!

Anyways, I received an email early Sunday morning from Gymnast Guy. It had a link to a Youtube video of a Worship song. A song about the Lord. I'm Catholic, but I don't forward religious songs. What is up with this guy? I texted him wishing him good luck on his huge audition without mention of his e-mail. I couldn't even really think about him cause it was going to be a very sad day. I had to go to one of my salespeople's father's funeral AND I was going to hang out with a really good friend one last time before she moves out of town. Is it just me or people are either dying, celebrating a birthday, or moving out of town every week? Not a very good combination.

My friend (we'll call her Parvathy) is quite rare. She comes from a pretty wealthy family, but she has always been pretty independent. I met her while she was studying to be a doctor here in the US (she was already one in India) when she was one of my former part-time cashiers at the clothing store. We share a love for horror movies so we went to go see one the last night we were able to hang out. We saw "Mirrors" starring Kiefer Sutherland. I thought it was pretty horrible. It did spark a debate between us about two different types of horror movies. She happens to love supernatural ones but doesn't think horror films with human killers are scary at all. I think it really depends on the movie. To me, it doesn't matter if a killer is a ghost or a human. If the movie delivers in setting up the atmosphere and the characters correctly, I will be scared. My favorite movies include a mixture of both - The Ring, Scream, Rosemary's Baby, Night of the Living Dead, Grudge, and Texas Chainsaw Massacre (this list does go on). What scares you?

Sticky & Sweet

Sorry for my late post this week. The past couple of days have been hectic. I finally grew some balls and asked out Gymnast Guy on Monday. Well...kind of. My co-workers from the nightclub and I had a few complimentary tables and bottles at this popular martini bar Monday night so I took the opportunity to invite him along. That's when I found out he didn't drink alcohol. I was so impressed with this fact that it just made me like him even more. I told him that I would just have to find a dry activity for us to do (well to be honest hopefully anything that I would do with this guy would end up with us getting wet)!

That night actually turned out to be pretty fun. I ran into a former salesperson of mine, and she introduced me to a really nice girl who worked at a strip club. She was a cocktail waitress not a stripper though. This is great because I'm always looking for new clients for the club especially ones that work in a mostly female environment. I also got to hang out with one of my cute new co-workers from the club, and she turned out to be pretty awesome too. She just moved into town a couple of weeks ago. I hope she doesn't get jaded by this city. We were all having such a good time that after the martini bar, we all went to breakfast.


The next morning, the very first text I receive was from Gymnast Guy asking how the previous night went. Man I feel like a schoolgirl everytime I bring up this guy. I wonder if it's just a crush....hopefully not. Anyways, he also told me that he would be getting his wisdom teeth removed this week so he needed help getting his shifts covered. I told him he didn't have to worry about coming to work (we were cutting payroll anyway cause business has been pretty slow) and I also told him that if he needed anything (including me being his male nurse) I would gladly oblige. And yes, part of me thinks I'm being an idiot for throwing myself at him, but I rarely do it, and I know the consequences so it's ok. (I just hope I don't reek of desperation.) He then says that he might take me up on that offer. Good. But then he calls me a really "sweet" guy. I don't know what it is about that word, but "sweet" wasn't an adjective I would normally use to describe myself (or would want people to use to describe me). It's like the word "nice." Is this his way of telling me I'm not his type?


Overreacting aside, I'll just take it for what it is and see what happens. On that note, I'm going to leave you with one of my recent favorite workout songs by Santogold. It was played during a scene in the show Gossip Girl (a guilty pleasure of mine...it's a cross between Cruel Intentions and The OC - two other personal favorites so don't laugh unless you've seen it) this week so hopefully it'll gain a wider audience. She reminds me of MIA so if you like that kind of music, you would love Santogold!

The Bisexual & The Gays

What a long day. Just got home from the club, and I have to be up in less than 4 hours to get ready to be at work again. Why am I blogging? Cause I can't sleep right away. Damn those energy drinks. Plus there were a lot of things I wanted to share about today...

1) Worked out lower body today. I HATE working out legs, but I realize the importance of this muscle group. And I don't really know why I have to work out the lower back, but it's part of my routine for the lower body. Is it suppose to help my spine? Anyone care to shed some light?

2) I got to work with Gymnast Guy today! It was a little anticlimactic though...he's not as stylish as I would hope he'd be (I can fix that), but he was a pleasure to work with. I kept trying to figure out how I can get this guy to ask me to hang out with him outside of work without being too obvious, but I had too many tasks to take care of. Maybe I misread his earlier signs...or maybe he just wants to be professional. Either way I'm playing with fire trying to go on a date with one of my employees (I've done it successfully in the past before - but they were female and I wouldn't really call what we did dating). After work he texted me about "buddying up with him and giving him some cashier training." Wish it was only as dirty as it sounds. What should I do? How can I ask him out without really asking him out?


3) One of my super flamboyant employees asked for the night off so he can audition to be a go-go dancer at a gay club. I told him to break a leg.

4) One of our regular gay customers asked me who the new guy was, and of course he was talking about Gymnast Guy. I told him he's one of our awesome new employees, and all my customer could say is "well he's also gay and I think you should put in a good word for me." Which to me meant to tell Gymnast Guy absolutely nothing. I'm just glad my customer didn't have the balls to strike up a conversation with him. Man, look how protective I'm getting! And we're not even dating! I really need someone to tell me how lame I'm being.

5) Met some Asian girls today. Two hot ones and a fat one. Why is there always a fat one in the group? And they tend to be the mean ones! Anyways the cute ones wanted to visit me at the club tomorrow night, but the look on their friend's face tells me there might be a change of plans. Oh well.

A Gymnast & A Rocker

Part of my responsibilities at the clothing retailer I work for is hiring. Yesterday I ran into one of my new hires who I regretted hiring because he is not only extremely attractive but he has this charming personality. He's a former gymnast with such an amazing smile (and no, that's not him in the picture but pretty close). Why the regret? Cause I'd rather ask this guy out on a date than hire him at the time. But am I doing what's right for the company? Or myself? I obviously chose in favor of the company considering the guy could possibly not share the same feelings, but the few times I've come into contact with him I just feel a very flirtatious vibe. Yesterday wasn't any different. I've never been so tempted in my life to act unethical.


Last night my friends and I went to see a heavy metal tribute band. I'm not a big fan of that particular music genre, but I'd like to keep an open mind. Let's just say I was quite impressed. There were so many things that just kept me entertained! I immediately identified with one member of the band who would stop after each song and fix his hair in front of a mirror while another one just kept my eyes glued to him because of his great body (he was shirtless). Comedy was part of their act, and they did make a lot of lewd, misogynistic jokes (even some towards gays) but they weren't afraid to make fun of each other either....I mean it's a heavy metal tribute band, what do you expect? Oh and there were tons of women flashing their tits. What a night!