Alcohol & Suffering

I woke up today really pissed at myself because I thought I was going to feel well enough to go back to the gym. You see, last weekend my doctor told me I had a respiratory infection. After asking me several questions, he concluded that maybe I need to take a break from alcohol (to help with my immune system) and smoky places (to help with my breathing). Did I listen? A little. I drastically cut back on my alcoholic intake (but I could have cut it out completely) and I still went to work at the club (instead of using my doctor's note). I'm officially an idiot and completely responsible for how shitty I feel. And then my day took a turn for the worse at lunch time.

I receive a call from one of my closest friends while I'm having lunch with my family. I ignore it cause answering would have been rude, but then I get a text from her telling me that I need to contact her ASAP. She always takes her time returning my calls so I figured I'll just finish lunch and then call her. If it was that important, she would have texted me what it was....right? Wrong. When I called her back, she was hysterical. I could tell she had been crying for a while. It was very difficult for her, but she went on to tell me that one of our friends had died last night in the hospital. And then my eyes started to water. He got into a major car accident because he had been drunk driving. Immediately I had a flashback of a conversation I had with my roommate when HIS friend died of a drug overdose last week. I gave him my condolences, but I made a comment (which now I realize was very disrespectful) that it must be a different kind of grieving because the person was somewhat responsible for their own death. I'm surprised he didn't punch me then cause if someone had said that to me today I don't know what kind of violence I'd be capable of. Grieving is grieving.

The nightlife industry is such a fucked-up atmosphere...I was one of the few people in my club that had never received a DUI. I'm not saying working at a club (my friend that died was a bartender at a different one) forced any of us to drink, but it definitely forged an environment where it was synonymous with fun. It would be different if we only had one or two drinks, but people in the industry go on binges....much worse than when I was in a fraternity in college. And this time, you can't just pass out at the party cause it's at a house. Don't worry, I'm not going to start preaching to you about the negative effects of alcohol because if you're like me you wouldn't listen until the day it hit close to home. Unfortunately...today was that day for me.

Hot Chicks & Douchebags

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A Gymnast & A Rocker

Part of my responsibilities at the clothing retailer I work for is hiring. Yesterday I ran into one of my new hires who I regretted hiring because he is not only extremely attractive but he has this charming personality. He's a former gymnast with such an amazing smile (and no, that's not him in the picture but pretty close). Why the regret? Cause I'd rather ask this guy out on a date than hire him at the time. But am I doing what's right for the company? Or myself? I obviously chose in favor of the company considering the guy could possibly not share the same feelings, but the few times I've come into contact with him I just feel a very flirtatious vibe. Yesterday wasn't any different. I've never been so tempted in my life to act unethical.


Last night my friends and I went to see a heavy metal tribute band. I'm not a big fan of that particular music genre, but I'd like to keep an open mind. Let's just say I was quite impressed. There were so many things that just kept me entertained! I immediately identified with one member of the band who would stop after each song and fix his hair in front of a mirror while another one just kept my eyes glued to him because of his great body (he was shirtless). Comedy was part of their act, and they did make a lot of lewd, misogynistic jokes (even some towards gays) but they weren't afraid to make fun of each other either....I mean it's a heavy metal tribute band, what do you expect? Oh and there were tons of women flashing their tits. What a night!

Introduction

I am a guy that leads a double life. No, I do not work for a secret governmental agency. (In fact, my jobs are as far from that serious of an occupation.) I do have 2 jobs that keep me pretty busy - one in clothing and the other in nightlife. If you haven't guessed from the title of my blog...there are many aspects of my life that come in pairs that often contradict each other. I like both men and women. I enjoy reading comic books yet I stay fit by going to the gym 4-5 days a week. I eat healthy meals daily and my consumption of liquor is close to that of an addict. I'm also a hip-hop dancer that belongs to a predominantly caucasian fraternity. I'm very outgoing, go to social events weekly, and love surrounding myself with beautiful people...but I'd rather share my private thoughts with strangers over a blog. I could go on and on, but there's plenty of time for that later.

Most of my actions probably stem from insecurity, but I'd like to think we are all guilty of it to some extent. Am I just unsure of my identity? Absolutely. I don't think blogging will solve any of my problems but it's all very therapeutic.....isn't it?