So I failed. I thought I could go on a whole month without watching porn. But I came home a little buzzed and horny tonight....and ended up relieving myself to a couple of videos online. I couldn't even last a whole week! Why did I break down? Well here's a few reasons...
1. Visited Jake at work the previous night. I realized he doesn't just look Mormon but also resembles a young Val Kilmer. They actually call him Iceman. Wait....actually he's a hotter version of Val Kilmer. And very within reach...
2. Woke up today with Gymnast Guy asking me to come watch him perform in a show (very reminiscent of Cirque du Soleil). He's an acrobat in it so of course he's going to be in tights. Don't forget that I've seen naked pictures of this guy. I was so pissed I couldn't go to the show, but I already requested last Thursday off at the club, and I couldn't do it again this week. I hadn't talked to him for several days so all I could do was imagine him performing...
3. Went to the gym around 6pm. Another different set of hot bodies. Even their sweat was fucking attractive.
I am human after all. Guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I was watching one of my favorite shows, Nip/Tuck, the other day, and it featured a nun who wanted to get a breast reduction. One of the main characters asked her how she came to give up pleasures of the flesh. I don't really remember her exact answer, but I know how it made me feel. It made me feel dirty. Dirty because I couldn't picture my life in abstinence. Failing my month-long fast from porn just proved it. Is that a sad realization or what?
1. Visited Jake at work the previous night. I realized he doesn't just look Mormon but also resembles a young Val Kilmer. They actually call him Iceman. Wait....actually he's a hotter version of Val Kilmer. And very within reach...
2. Woke up today with Gymnast Guy asking me to come watch him perform in a show (very reminiscent of Cirque du Soleil). He's an acrobat in it so of course he's going to be in tights. Don't forget that I've seen naked pictures of this guy. I was so pissed I couldn't go to the show, but I already requested last Thursday off at the club, and I couldn't do it again this week. I hadn't talked to him for several days so all I could do was imagine him performing...
3. Went to the gym around 6pm. Another different set of hot bodies. Even their sweat was fucking attractive.
4. Hosted possibly one of the hottest group of girls at dinner tonight (there's a restaurant attached to our nightclub). The group included 2 models, an actress, and the daughter of an 80's rock star. They were not only beautiful, but really sweet too! There was even one I couldn't stop flirting with. My co-workers were so jealous. I almost found myself stuttering around these beauties...
5. As soon as I get home, I turn on the TV. Every channel I watch seems to have a show with a really hot character/cast member. Characters that turned me on. Cast members I wanted to sleep with. I couldn't take it anymore. And that's when I caved.I am human after all. Guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was. I was watching one of my favorite shows, Nip/Tuck, the other day, and it featured a nun who wanted to get a breast reduction. One of the main characters asked her how she came to give up pleasures of the flesh. I don't really remember her exact answer, but I know how it made me feel. It made me feel dirty. Dirty because I couldn't picture my life in abstinence. Failing my month-long fast from porn just proved it. Is that a sad realization or what?
2 comments:
I don't think you have to feel dirty. I'm assuming you aren't religious?
I always thought abstinence and morality regarding sex are birthed from religion. I always envied people who weren't religious cause in a way they could do anything they wanted and not have to answer for their actions and descisions.
feetlikewings: I'm actually a non-practicing Catholic. I think religious or not, we all will have to answer for our actions/decisions someday whether we believe in God, karma, or absolutely nothing.
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